Monday, December 1, 2008

should this make me feel better?

OK. I was at the gym this morning and I was not wearing my headphones. I could hear others around me talking. I cannot both read, and listen to music, so I had the headphones in my ears, but nothing was coming out of them. These two women were on the floor next to me doing Yoga exercises and talking to each other. One mom (they are both moms, which is where this is going) was talking about how hard the mornings are at her house. She yells at her children every single morning, and it's the same, rough couple of hours every day, and I could tell that just thinking about it raised her blood pressure as if she were back in the situation at that moment. I felt like getting off the equipment and saying, "Oh, girl, can we talk?"
It's very nice to hear that other women, probably all across America, if we're honest (which an alarming number of women are NOT), the same scenario is being played out: children, old enough to know, are being told the same things every day, as though they've never been told before...eat your breakfast, pick up your laundry, empty the dishwasher, feed the dog, hang up the towel, turn off that light, clean off the table, get your shoes... It's nauseating just to read this.
In an odd way it was comforting to hear that other women have the exact struggles that I do.
I think, for me, the point where all this life-living becomes difficult, is when I realize that so much of our lives as SAHMs is lived in solitary. We aren't in offices or classes, around others. We don't go to the grocery store with friends, pick up the dry cleaning with any company, or do any other chores of life together with people. What we do with others is scheduled, which means not that often. When I lived in S. Korea, a group of women got together EVERY morning for coffee. We were all young newlyweds without children. We would all pop in and out of working while we were there, so most of the time we managed to see each other. This was a constant event that we all looked forward to. Sometimes, coffee would be later, late enough, in fact that sometimes our coffee came with a little "surprise" added to it. The key, though, was that it happened, daily. Fast forward 16 years, and we all live in different states and everyone works, save for me.
I think it's the feeling isolated in addition to the grind that is starting to make me sad.
Oh, yes. this morning my daughter wanted me to call the school counselor to get her schedule changed for next semester. She doesn't want to continue one of her classes. She can either go to the counselor, herself, after school tomorrow, or I can call and take care of it. Which option do you think I chose? Come on, take a guess! Yes, that's right. David told A WEEKS AGO that if she wants to get out of this class, she has to be a big girl and get it switched herself. Of course, after David left last night, this morning she hits me up with the, "will you do this, it's so easy" request. On the scale of drama, this barely rates, but I told her that with the way she treats me and speaks to me, she really has some nerve asking me to do something for her that she can easily do for herself. My next post will be brighter.

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